It's not that I haven't tried.

It was like the car crash with Mike, but without the car crash, and with ten times the pain.

When you're in a relationship, you make plans. I made plans.

And then, in what seemed like the blink of an eye, they all went away.

Life's never been the same since.

People ask me why I have trouble committing.

I think it's because I fear all my possible plans will fade away again.

I once thought I was sure, and then that bubble burst. I have hope of being sure once more, unfortunately the overwhelming anxiety from the unknown usurps my common sense. But I still have hope, it's just laden with fear.

So I keep moving and breathing, lest the plans end before I want them to. Lest the loneliness will consume me.